Finding Quiet to Find it More–

When I tune inward, I find the quiet moments. The sounds from the physical atmosphere fade, and the noise of social expectations melts away. A spaciousness opens inside, and I resist the urge to fill the silence with anything superficial. It is not uncomfortable here. I cozy into it. I feel the earth beneath me, and I trust our connection. I feel the cosmos above me, and I trust our connection too. It is the most connected I feel out of all the places and scenes. I guess it’s the opposite of the saying about feeling along in a crowded room. I feel connected in solitude. Beneath all the noise out there, I have this calm knowing in here. One that is rooted in love.

Learning to drop in as I need to resource requests consistent practice. Sometimes we forget what helps us most. Sometimes the noise and sensory overwhelm drown out our sensibility. Just when I feel like I’ve found a good process and rhythm, I get a new opportunity to grow, to expand the toolbox, to develop more skill, to apply things in a different way to an entirely new situation. I know there is no possible way to reach mastery which is both humbling and discouraging.

All my childhood and young adult years were spent striving for excellence and becoming the best fill-in-the-blank whatever I stepped into. Encouragement and criticism all made the same noise. I couldn’t tell the difference between a compliment, a joke, an instruction, or a critique. For a long time I didn’t even know what quiet was because there was so much disruption outside, inside. It can make a person feel sideways. Even my ‘good girl’ response to a commanding shush was as intense as the school’s fire alarm.

I sometimes hear the echoes of words spoken a decade earlier and it feels as if I’m hearing them for the first time ever because it is finally quiet enough that their impact has caught up with me. This is awareness. I can work with this. Aware of the impact I can begin to accept how things serve my being and I can let go of things that no longer support me. I can grant air time to the loving messages that stick with me, even if I couldn’t hear them in real time, and I can gift myself quiet moments coasting in neutral allowing any sound to just flow through my windows. I can consider those things that stick in my ears and in my deeper hearing sense, approaching them with curiosity, releasing any judgment, and I can emerge from my quiet moments transformed and fortified. Ready to speak, to do, to write, to be my own message of love.

Lessons

by Elizabeth Shepley

The Ocean roars beyond this bend,
calling to wash away the weight of my story.
With every step, the load feels lighter,
and my feet carry me closer,
eyes locked in the stone cold depth of these waters.
The knots in my gut release, my jaw loosens,
and the sudden wonder full smile across my face
would embarrass a clown.

Bands of icy sea foam line the water’s edge.
Crunchy, playful bubbles offer to cleanse
the mucky energy I brought in.
A chunk breaks free and circles my feet
reminding me that I too am free.
That I too can break through this cold bond
and live my joy.
That I can be with lightness
and exist with delicacy without breaking.

The Ocean, she shows me that I am not alone or misunderstood,
so I dance and sing Her a song of gratitude.