Late this morning, I was caught in mindless scrolling down the facebook feed avoiding the mental download I needed to start the day. Make a list or mind map of all the debris flying around my headspace. If I’m being honest with myself, I felt stressed out by all the open circuits that need attention, and I was in resistance.

I know that I can usually write it all down and see a way to navigate from where I am to where I want to be. This process of dumping it all onto the page either as a list or mind map gives me a visual awareness of the landscape. It also helps me calm the noise inside because even if the page is full, I am able to see just the direction or task to do. I don’t write all the stories and “anxies,” as we call them in our house, about what sort of trouble I’m creating by not having it all done yet. My morning pages are for that; thank you Julia Cameron & The Artist’s Way.

I know the process of getting this download onto the page will be helpful, but sometimes it is hard to do the things I know will help me. I’ve gotten better with my self-care, for instance, but it is still hard for me to stop and nap when I know a simple catnap is all I need for a refresh and that will save me from massive fatigue later on. I don’t think we talk enough about how hard it is to take up space with our own needs, much less our desires, or, at least, I know I’m not talking or hearing about this enough. This week, though, it is all around me: on social media, in my readings, in coaching sessions, on the phone with friends and relatives. We show up for each other and find it difficult to show up for ourselves.  

One thing flying around the noggin that might’ve made it onto the list of things I “get to do” was to catch up on a podcast recommendation from Nina Hart for our writer’s playhouse. I decided to listen while I tidied up my desk before our writing lab this afternoon. Of course, I’m a week behind on the prompt, but within the first 15 minutes, I realized it was right on time. I’m right on time. All the creative and spiritual greats agree that synchronicity shows up when we start listening for what we need. 

In this podcast interview with Glennon Doyle, Ashley C. Ford discusses writing her memoir Somebody’s Daughter, and this woman, this Black woman, is figuring out how to take up space in all the ways, with her needs, with her desires, and most importantly, with her story and experiences. As an individual. As a daughter. As a part of a whole. As a human being. 

I took a page full of notes, and this line will go on a post-it note where I will see it regularly: “I knew I had it in me to tell the truth and be loved anyway.” Maybe I’ll even stick this at the center of my mind map as I capture my projects, tasks and ideas onto the page figuring out how to navigate my way through it all. Remembering that no matter where I end up, I am being honest with myself, and I am loved anyway.

Do you treat yourself with the kindness you hope your best friend gets from herself? Are there times where you hold back on something you need or want until you’ve earned it? Where’s this landing for you? I’d love to hear from you. Drop a line in the comments, send me a private email or schedule a curiosity call if it feels right.