We’re all given the same 168 hours in a week. Marie Forleo zoomed in on this point as she ramped up her free masterclass on mistakes that might be impacting my productivity. 24 hours per day x 7 days = 168 hours. 

Nothing new there. I let the presentation play as I finished cooking Wednesday night’s dinner. The timing of the free offering wasn’t ideal, but I also wasn’t sure how much value it would give me beyond an invitation to pay for her Time Genius course. As I listened and offered my own commentary in my real life space, I anticipated her next move with every play she made. Finally, my creative, analytical computer engineer husband got my attention to ask, “Do you even need to be in this class?” I brushed it off with a shrug, “I’ll learn something.”

Once the dust settled from kitchen shenanigans and I sat to engage like a good student, my husband’s question fragmented and collided with my experience of the night, and I heard a new question: what small act can I do right here, right now to feel a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment? This question didn’t focus on the mistakes I was making; it expanded my potential. The next steps are a different story which I may share here someday, but for now, let’s focus on how I got there. 

I thought the class would help me feel like I was doing something important for my creative business, something productive, while I carried out my activities of daily living. *sigh* multitasking. I was keeping myself busy to create a sense of value. I was operating on the principle that to feel productive I need to be doing something. Value = NaN.

Marie had gone on to demand that if you want to use your time more efficiently you must “do the math” and figure out where your time is going. This time tracking thing has been on my radar for months, and every single day I meet resistance. The system is in place. I know that when I start tracking I’ll identify leaks. I know that I’ll have more accurate data than my creative brain estimates (“OMG that took 5 hours!” anyone else have this argument with reality?). I know the data will show that I’m getting things done. 

So, Elizabeth, what IS getting in your way of collecting that data?

I don’t want to do it.

Why don’t you want to do it?

I think it’ll take more time to do the tracking than to just take my next Kaizen step in the direction of my dreams.

Why is it important to move towards your creative dreams?

My creative pursuits help me figure stuff out.

Why is that important to you?

Self-expression is vital to making an impact with my life.

Why is self-expression vital to making an impact?

Without space to make connections between the outside world and my inner atmosphere, I fall into autopilot. I forget what it means to be.

Why is it important to remember to be?

I am a human being. I’m not a machine. I’m built to connect and evolve, and the output doesn’t mean a hill of beans if I just do it to get it done.

Why?

My whole life I’ve watched the people I love kill themselves by working hard for a “someday” life, and then they spend their nights and weekends checked out and escaping from the pressures of the life they have. I am here for the life I love and don’t want to escape all the time. I want to be someone who my family, friends and colleagues look forward to being with because they can expect genuine connection and an invitation to be just as they are, where the are, who they are, and I want to be accepted as I am, where I am, who I am without expectations for the outcome. 

I played with Dean Graziosi’s 7 layer deep dive to self-coach through this resistance. Special thanks to Hollis Citron at https://www.iamcreativephilly.com/express-yourself-publishing-house for sharing this tool with me earlier this week. (I’m excited to have accepted a place in her upcoming multi-author book Invisible No More: Stepping into the Spotlight.)

Bringing all of this together, this week an amazing creative healer friend reflected to me about how being in a job she loves while doing work she loves serving a population that she is deeply invested in doesn’t feel like work. She’s felt like she must be forgetting to do something. She hadn’t really ever entertained the cliché “find a job you love to do and you’ll never have to work a day again” as a real possibility. As she settles into this awareness and takes inventory of what she is doing in a day’s work (hello Kaizen-Muse Creativity Coaching tool “credit report”), she sees that being deep in her process doesn’t even feel like work. Plus, she reports “seeking escapisms less often” as she practices awareness and acceptance and new relationships with her work and life as a whole. Because it is all connected. 

These realizations only happen as we open to explore them and tap into our unique expressive channels. For me, that’s writing, collaging and engaging in conversations to piece things together out loud. For her, that’s independent reflection and spiritual practices. For both of us, sharing our process with a witness brings it home. I’m grateful for opportunities to witness and be witnessed here. 

For you, this will look different. You may know what that channel looks like. You may not know right now. That’s ok. Sometimes we lose touch with it. It’s part of the process. You might begin again and pick something up that you used to enjoy and give it a test run. Collect the data. “Do the math.” 

Where is your time going? Are you there for it? What’s working in your process? What would you like more of in your 168 hours?* I’d love to bear witness to where this lands for you. Drop a line in the comments, send me a private email or schedule a curiosity call if it feels right. 

*We’re hosting an expressive workshop, a brave, open space to explore these very questions and more, on January 31st. Our guided exploration will help you tune into what’s working for you and make space for more. You’re invited to make your own connections between the outer world and inner atmosphere. Click here to learn more.